Give it to God and go to sleep. Easier said than done. So at 1am, I’m finding it hard to sleep because I am worried (again). In a nutshell, there’s been some miscalculation and hence, a delay to my part time application and it has been at the back of my mind for the past few days. So the joke is I’m kept up at night not because of Nat but myself.
I know some part of me is worrying unnecessarily and prematurely because there is still time. The worst scenario is obtaining and submitting the necessary approvals too late and somehow my part time request can’t materialize.
Then amidst all this chaos in my mind – I remember Philippians 4:6.
Strangely, this was what we told our Pastor to base his sharing on for our wedding solemnization in 2014. He was a bit surprised because this isn’t a typical verse for a wedding but it was also not completely unexpected of us because he knows I can be a worrywart.
We knew this was the right verse because throughout our relationship, I was pretty much worrying about various things at different junctures.
In 2012, I was worried at the prospect of getting into a new relationship with a colleague (HJ) no less, after coming out of a 5 year relationship.
After we got engaged and I was worried about wedding planning and whether we would make it to become husband and wife.
In 2014, I was worried about whether we would make it to eventually moving into our new home and whether we would survive our honeymoon (I have a fear of flying and sitting in an airplane 13hrs to London was something I didn’t think I could handle).
Then strangely in 2015, I didn’t worry so much and travelled to a lot of places. My worrying habit came back in 2016 during my pregnancy because the scans can only tell you so much and it didn’t help that I knew too much about scary pregnancy complications from watching Greys Anatomy etc.
So you get the idea why from the onset, we were sure that Philippians 4:6-7 was THE verse for us, to help remind us what we should do in times of uncertainty and anxiety.
However, in reality, it is very hard to surrender when the worries/fears feel so real.
Yet I know I have to do it somehow and learn to let go of things. It applies to parenting too if not I’m sure I’ll drive myself crazy trying to have a hand in everything and to be in control. This is my biggest work in progress – to let go, be patient and leave it to God.