Came across this term when I was reading one of those baby books and it resonated because it made so much sense – maintaining a healthy marriage as it creates a sense of security and stability for your children.
Understanding it in theory is easy, then came the harder part of actualizing it and looking back at the past 1-2 weeks that HJ has started work, our couch time is more reactive than intentional. Meaning, it took a rough day of just handling the baby and house-related matters that made us conscious that we had neglected “us”. Sure, we each have managed to carve out our own “me” times in the day.
- HJ is at work, has an external community, gives tuition and volunteers. Even whilst I’m now based at home, I work in routines to do my stretches/workouts, Netflix shows and evening post-dinner walks as and when I am back at my mom’s place.
- Together, we also manage to have some outings whereby it was just the two of us because my mom helped to babysit Nat.
However, despite all the above and having a relatively easy time looking after Nat, I could not shake off the feeling that something was missing and lacking. Even when we were out together, we were running errands more than enjoying each other’s presence.
So on Sunday, we decided to have a moment to ourselves at the balcony to just talk. Then I noted even the content of what we spoke about can either relax us or cause more anxiety. For example, I wish that we did not have to always discuss about Nat even though he is a huge part of our lives but sometimes this is inevitable though we try to keep it to a minimum. Our couch times also work best when both our HPs are not with us because the various whatsapp groups that requires attention can be really irritating.
Moving forward, we now recognise that to have meaningful couch times, it has to be intentional, planned and there is a need for certain perimeters such as putting our HPs away. I found some ‘rules’ on this blog post HERE to keep in mind when we have our couch times.
Couch time is a very simple idea. You and your spouse take 10-15 minutes at the end of your day (or whenever really) to sit down and just talk. Don’t watch TV. Don’t answer the phone. Don’t think about the day ahead. Just sit and talk to your spouse.
We already don’t have a TV so more work is required to keep our phones away.
Baby business is tough, because you give so much to your little one such that one just needs to have ample “me” time and even when that is done, we now know the need to also have sufficient “couch time” with your significant other.